This is a note about my maternal grandpa Mr K.S.Venkatramani who lived a complete life almost finishing 90 years before he passed away in 2020 during the pandemic situation. This is a totally unplanned note and I am just pouring out whatever comes to my mind about him, whatever I remember of him, my relationship with him and the journey of his life from my lens.
My first memories of him are as a sincere and a diligent man who had a well organised home office at Salem. I used to visit him and Bali paati every year during my summer holidays with my mother (and later with my cousins who lived in Avadi, Chennai)
The office used to be in the hall itself, which used to be neat and clean with a Remington typewriter a table with a glass top and a few inserts inside of important numbers, visiting cards and some God photos. Behind that table on the wall were photos of various Gods and there was an office bureau. That was it. There was another small sampling room with weighing balances and some pounding instruments.
I loved sitting on his office chair and always wanted to use the type writer. I have tried my hands at typing something or the other on that typewriter multiple times (often in his absence). The font I am using for this post is a typewriter font.
From those days, I remember him as someone who used to have a fixed daily ritual of cleaning everything including his cycle and a Tvs50 that he had and doing a Pooja for everything. Like his belongings and things, he himself was also neat and clean and like a staunch Iyer used to put a veeboothi pattai on his forehead and a kunkumam. You could call him siva pazham wearing spectacles. If I am not wrong those spectacles were photo sensitive as well which turned black in sunlight.
Coming to their relationship, I had never seen my thatha and paati really fight at all. Very small arguments here and there but they used to mostly be soft with each other.
While it was a Home office, he used to maintain office work boundaries for sure. He used to like me a lot and used to always be soft with me. He liked the fact that even as a child I used to read a lot of books and talk in a very mature fashion. I was close to him.
I used to pester him to take me along, when he used to pay visits to the town for his office needs or any purchases. I loved going to Five roads, Chamundi supermarket and sometimes to Salem junciton
He used to live in a slightly far away area called Reddypatti. He was a man who was good at Kanjira percussion instrument. I always tried to grab it from him and play it myself.
He had lived in a couple of houses in Reddypatti itself. I realised very late that he worked for Essen & Co, which was primarily involved in mining quality check sampling and reporting. I came to know later that there were many chances for him to make side money if he let some low quality samples pass, but he was a man of integrity and never budged. He made some enemies due to this, but always gained respect as "Iyer".
He was a soft and emotional person and never indulged in too many social activities and kept himself to his home and family. His only friend was Varadarajan mama who he got acquainted with as part of his job at Essen. He maintained that friendship for several decades together before he passed away. I have also met him many times when I visited Salem. I once went to Yercaud in his ambassador car as a kid.
Thatha was a well-educated person. In those he finished his BA, but he wasn't a very street smart person or a money or asset hungry person to figure out ways to invest his money in assets. You could even call it foolishness, but can you imagine that in spite of being in service for so many years he never purchased an own house for himself (to live in whenever he retired) or have a retirement corpus for himself. This stumps me too but that was what he was.
He was also not someone who would take too many risks. He never changed his job from Essen & Co. He moved locations a couple of times to Belgaum etc but came back to Salem. He was conservative with his daughters. He got my Periamma married really early. It was 70s and understandable, but inspite of my mother being a great athlete he didn't allow her to go for nationals training to Delhi. But he got her trained in shorthand and typing and ensured she got a job and also supported her family before she got married. This confidence and independence that he instilled in my mother continued later when she got married and became a confident working lady. I am proud that his daughter and my mom in her early 60s is still working (now for herself and her business) with the same sincerity and diligence in spite of health issues.
My Ramani Thatha was a person who had some power of understanding people and in some cases do face reading through which he could judge their real character, tell them what was troubling them at that point and also give some suggestions for the future.
One thing I remember from those days in Salem was they used to use all high quality things only. Be it milk, curd, the items they used day to day and so on. My paati was very organised in the way she managed the house and the kitchen. There was a sense of balance and harmony when we went to their house. And I don't know how to describe it but a sense of richness at their place as well, not exactly opulence
During summer times when it used to get too hot, we used to go to the terrace and lay down the jamakalam and sleep under the moon and the stars. Paati used to tell us stories. Every year we used to get our dose of velakennai, vepankozhundu and enna thechu kuliyal. Paati used to have a maid call Ponni and another girl P...amma. We had fun playing dayakattai, cards and pallanguzhi with them as well.
He sincerely continued working beyond the age of 60 and till he turned 67 with the same level of energy and diligence. He quit his job only when he was really forced by his daughters to take it easy. He moved to Chennai and started staying with Periamma and Periappa in Avadi after handing over whatever he had saved for himself. Those were the early / mid nineties. I was also in high school and missed the Salem trips
That was a time when I had a health problem in 9th class and really needed support to go to school or even to be taken care of at home. Also given some differences between Thatha and Periappa, mom decided it is better Thatha and Paati move to Hyderabad to a place close to our Krupa Krishna apartment. My loving paati took care of me and Thatha used to take me to school and back. We got him a red Sunny that he used to use. Even after we moved to Chandrapuri colony, in some time we found another 2 room bathroom place closeby where they could stay.
Thatha was a person who couldn't sit idle. Even in his 70s he was a very busy man. He kept himself busy with his regular routine. He used to always help Amma with things, clean up the stuff around the house, get the scooter repaired, water plants, go to Bhavan's college to collect interest for the amount he had lent many people (this was an arrangement Amma helped him with to get some monthly expenses going). And whatever things he used to maintain he used to keep it clear, well-oiled and working. This is a great quality that anyone could learn from him. That kept him going for the whole time.
When I used to go to Engineering college, I used to return by 3 PM and directly used to go to their place at Aditya enclave. I had a great time playing cards / Daya Katti. Would spend time till Amma came back from work and we used to go back home. I am lot closer to Thatha Paati than Kaku Anna / Julu Akka because I have spend so much time with them during my growing years. They've been a rock solid support to me always
They moved from there to Chandrapuri colony itself in the ground floor of no.91 if I am not wrong. They got closer to us and then finally when we rebuilt our house with a first floor setup, they moved into our house itself. They have been such a support to Amma and us, can't even imagine how it would've been without them here.
Even at the beginning of my Engineering, he was the one who accompanied me to college and got me joined on the first day. Cant forget that day till now. I have always had mature conversations with him about what I want to do in life, who my friends are, about my parents etc. Many times he would do face reading and also guide me.
Even till like recently, a couple of years back I have asked him about suggestions
One thing I know for sure, the dynamics between my both side grandparents were civil at best. They didn't have a great rapport. Their natures and mindsets were different. I had to walk a thin rope managing their dynamics when Gopu thatha and paati used to come live with us and with Ramani thatha and paati living on first floor.
This continued till the time I got married.
One thing that was common between both my grandfathers was - both of them were men of integrity, cared for their families and both loved to watch cricket and followed it closely (probably was a thing with every educated man of their generation). Both used to read Hindu paper from first page to last page. While Gopu thatha used to read books as well Ramani thatha didn't have that habit. Ramani thatha being the dad of girls always had a lower hand in anything and also never had a chip on his shoulder / showed ego anywhere. But there was always a cold vibe between both grandfathers.
We celebrated Ramani thatha's 80th birthday in a grand way in Chennai. This was after my marriage sometime in Nov / Dec 2010. I don't know if it was because of the Drishti of relatives from that event or what, situations changed for us in a matter of few months
Early in 2011, my mother was diagnosed with CML - blood cancer which shook all of us including my Ramani thatha who was very close to Amma emotionally.
Ramani thatha was a very emotional person and used to be always worried about his daughters' safety. He used to be very anxious when Amma used to get late from office or we would be late after going out somewhere. This nature would irritate some independent people who need space, but I could understand his concern. I realised this anxiousness being a common feature of all dads of girls. But Ramani thatha was a little more.
With my mom being sick and under medication, while Ramani thatha and paati were a big support to her, my parents decided that it was tough for my dad to take care of mom and also support Ramani thatha.
And given Periamma couldn't support them immediately, my dad had to find an old age home - Sankara in outskirts of Chennai and joined them there. It was not the best of places. While it was a separate room, was a far cry from what they were living in Hyderabad. The bathroom facilities were not the best and they had to come to ground floor and go up for food, or anything else. They struggle for sometime. I visited that place along with Seeta and spent some time with them. I understood how tough it was for them there.
In 2011-12 when I had travelled to US, I had made it a point to call both my grandparents once every week and speak with them. Now, I might give any excuses but I haven't been calling Ramani thatha and paati in recent times. And I don't know how I had that discipline to call them every week. Somehow, it felt good talking with them. My colleague even wondered how I did that at that time.
Coming back, within a year or so, Thatha got sick due to urinary infection and that was a time Periamma really took care of him in Chettinad hospital. He had bed sores and all but he was a fighter and he recovered soon and got back. That was a time when Amma still wasn't very well to support. She felt very guilty for sending Ramani thatha to the ashram and then these things happening
After that, Ramani thatha along with Paati went and stayed with Periamma and family and then later in Thirumullaivoyil house. The rent for the house was taken care of by Amma but Periamma took good care of them every now and then and monitoring them closely when they were living all by themselves there. There were ups and downs in the relationship and tensions but they lived peacefully.
I vividly remember once I went to just visit them stayed with them for a day, took them to Ambattur, bought a new set of sandals for Thatha, took them to a good restaurant and had some dosas, vadai etc. That was just for a day but I really spent good quality time with them.
Thatha really liked Seeta and whenever he called he would definitely talk to Seeta and ask about her. I am also happy that Sahaana could visit them a couple of times and she at least remembers Ramani thatha. She spent more time with Gopu thatha and she still is reminded of him.
One thing that we should learn and I keep trying to tell my parents as well is the kind of marital harmony that Ramani thatha managed with Bali paati. Both of them cared for each other, never went to extremes and stood as a rock. This helped them survive together for such a long time. Paati was and is still emotionally very strong even though she might not be physically. While Ramani thatha is a little weak emotionally he has never treated paati badly ever.
On the emotional angle, after Periappa passed away due to accident and Kaku left for Seychelles back, Ramani Thatha and paati moved into Annanur house with Periamma. Periamma had a tough time dealing with Ramani thatha and Paati day in and day out. She was losing it and in some situations let it out on thatha as well. Poor thing she can't be blamed as well. I personally feel grandparents could've adjusted a little more given Periamma's situation in life, but you can never understand old people and their emotions unless you reach that ripe age when you are at someone else's mercy but still want to stick to your own likes and dislikes and heightened sense of insecurity.
At one point Ramani thatha had enough of the acerbity in Periamma's words and walked away from home, took an Auto and wanted him to take him to the sea. He was ready to take his own life someway. But somehow the auto guy managed to get him back after a long time. His old heart couldnt handle the emotions. It didn't have the strength at the ripe age of late 80s.
After that incident in a month or so, I went and visited him and spoke with him. It felt good sitting and spending time with him, listening to what he had to say from his side, again asked him about some of my insecurities and what he thought about me and my future. He again mentioned that he had a special relationship with me and he liked opening up to me. I asked him not to repeat such things and ignore any such incidents in future and be strong.
My mom in the last 5 years especially after my Periappa passed away has been feeling and dealing with the guilt that her sister in this situation is taking care of her parents and that she isn't able to physically support them. Ofcourse she has been sending them money and visiting them every once in a while but that guilt keeps pinching her.
My mom has been praying to God since a while now for him to take her parents away in a painless way. When Ramani thatha passed away, my mom was shattered and struck with guilt that she couldnt be with her dad in his last days. She had planned a visit, but due the COVID situation everything got cancelled.
When we came to know about him passing away. One good thing we felt was he didn't suffer too much before passing away. Even in the COVID situation we immediately travelled and were able to arrange things for his last rites. His brother's son performed the last rites and we were all there till the end with him.
While he has decided to move on the after life, I know he will always be with me and us as a guardian angel. I have really enjoyed my time with Ramani thatha and had great experiences with him and cherished the grandpa-grandson relationship with him.
I have been thinking of writing something about him since the time he passed away. Finally, the right time has come during this break I have taken between my jobs to pen these thoughts down. I am not sure how structured these are, but these are the thoughts directly from my heart to and about him.
Love you Ramani Thatha!
